How (not) to rollerbalde and get a great tan

The Esplanade at St Kilda Beach.

I was a gym junkie my early twenties. I used to be ripped, though you probably wouldn’t believe it looking at me now. I was going to the gym five to six times a week. I had a training partner; a weight belt; and a gym diary, in which I recorded all my lifts for the day. And my diet included creatine supplements and protein powder.

I never went to a tanning salon or anything like that, but on hot days I went to the St Kilda and rollerbladed along the esplanade, topless, trying to get a natural tan. A good tan reveals more definition in your muscles.

I used to lube up with 'tanning lotion', a bronze-coloured faux sunscreen (SPF 6) – I would've had more sun protection if I had rubbed an orange peel on my skin. I also wore really tiny shorts – and I mean tiny. This ensured as much of my body was exposed as possible. It was quite a spectacle.

But I didn’t really know how to rollerblade. I'd continually push my feet outwards until I built up some speed, but to stop I had to either roll over some grass or find a fence to grab onto. I didn't really know how to stop.

I stopped once I got a girlfriend.