Salvadoran man seeking female for meets.

"Hi! My name is Juan. I am a fifty-something, male with wife and two children - three, if you count the daughter I have disowned for being 'vegetarian', whatever that means. I live a simple life of eating and sleeping, and I have family in the United States who send me loads of money (in US dollars, yay!) every month, so I no longer really see the need to bust my ass working.

When my wife - who is behind me and listening very intently to every syllable I utter – is not nagging me for ridiculous things, such as a litter-free countryside and political stability, I like to sit on my door-step and watch life pass by.

What I am really looking for is a woman-on-the-side who can pat down a tortilla in under ten seconds and can balance more than 30 kg on her head; a Roman Catholic Christian who likes cheese pupusas.

I enjoy the frijoles (beans) and rice that I am served every single, bloody day of the year – for breakfast, lunch and dinner – and my most valued possession is my machete. I live in a modest and typical country house, made of sticks, bricks, a facade of mud and a cast-iron roof, and I own two horses, both of which have less than 100,000 miles of usage.

I am interested in friendship, romance or chat (i.e. pen pals). So please contact me at, username: SwingerJuan69.